themissingnumbers:

Hi chucklefucks i’ve been rather busy with a lotta things, hopping around doin shit ya know the whole shebang.

Buuuuut after introductions- I’m not gonna answer any further questions just yet- ya see, I’ve been looking around and I found a real depressed motherfucker- And guess what? It’s their birthday too. So I figured as the nice guy I am I’d try and make em somethin a little special for their special day.

So!

Welcome to!

Cooking with Green and Piipii

Alright, for starters- I just found whatever recipe I could find from the ‘net, had to find one that didn’t use eggs though- My Chanse’ is rather broody right now and I don’t wanna bother her for it. I’ll leave it at the end of this.

Alllright here we goo.

First step it calls for melted chocolate chips-

I didn’t have those. so I just decided to use some cooking cocoa I found, not like anyones gonna use it so

Be warned though if you try my replacements- this is NOT sweetened and it tastes like sh-

PIIPII NO

*cough* Ahem. Sorry 'bout that, he hasn’t gotten his snackies today.

Anyways though- I was gonna chop it up with a knife but it was too hard, so I just broke it apart with my hands.

recipe calls forrrrr a half cup of chocolate chips. They’ll be melted anyways so it doesn’t matter if they’re chunks.

I’m hoping

Alright now- this recipe calls for! Coconut Oil so lets get that from this big tub of it-

Oh.

Uhh. Yeah that doesn’t look appetizing. But trust me it’s not rotten. It’s- heh- Green for other reasons.

In the microwave it goes. at least to melt it so I can measure it out proper

….

…

..

.

!

It started exploding in there and I got too scared.

Alright- in the meantime while thats melting, I’m gonna add some sugar to the cho-

PIIPII.

*cough* 'nyways. I’m gonna eyeball the amount- maybe 'round like.. I dunno fourth cup?

yeah that looks like it’ll work.

Oh and hey good news, in that time our oil melted enough to-

PIIPII. QUIT IT.

Alright….

… There is still a large chunk in it but-

Eh whatever, it’ll work

Eugh.. That has not upped the appealing factor whatsoever-

Hopefully as the chocolate melts it’ll look mor-

PIIPII I SWEAR TO THE FUCKING GODS.

You’re going on the timeout shelf young man.

Ugh- Anyways

It calls for me to put it in the microwave now to melt it a bit, though considering last time. I’m gonna only put it in for 30 seconds.

Don’t want it to start exploding again after all.

Oh yeah no, that looks much better than how it did. Heh. You can even see me taking the picture in it- Hello~!

Alright now it calls for more sugar so lets-

PIIPII ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

I didn’t wanna do it but you’ve been a bad boy, you’re in cup time out.
And don’t try and convince me out of it! It’s not gonna work!

Luckily- he took a bath recently so he didn’t cause the sugar to get dirty, lets put that in now

Allllllrighty.. Called for full cup.

Hoo that looks like a lot. Still was good to add some of the sugar prior though-
Lets microwave it, it’ll dissolve easier that way.

((End Part 1))

You…

You have been a very bad bad naughty boy PiiPii.
I told you that this is for a very depressed 26 year old who hasn’t seen the light of day in 5 years. This is a gift not for you to munch on.

…

Okay.. I’m going to trust your apologies are sincere, but if you do anything else, I’m putting you in your ball, got it?

Ugh. you know I can’t stay too pissed at you- you little shit. playing off my love. You better be good now.

Anyways

That looks like a good enough mix.

Noowww. I think it calls for milk next? Yeah.

Alllright. half cup milk goes in-

Yknow- it called for non dairy but, there was some actual mil’ in the fridge. plus, I like it better than alternatives.

I mean it’s not like it kills a miltank to get milked. probably the opposite

Some 'nilla. Calls for two teaspoons. Alrighty- One…

Annn a two.

Huh. Thats funny, had just enough to get the second spoon.

In it goes!

..?

Oh hey buddy, being tall again this time eh? Better than falling into the chocolate mix.

Alright, mixed in the liquids, time for the dries.

'Found this in this house I broke into. Seems like good enough cocoa powder as any.

Huh- Like the 'nilla, only had enough to fill the half cup, lucky lucky.

Alright now for the flour. Calls for ¾ths cup soo. If I’m doing my math right-

One half cup-

Anndd….

….

Shoot do they not have any fourths cups? Damn- uhh

They got this at least- I’ll just do two of these,

Alright… Next is salt.

…Annnd they don’t seem to have any bagged or canned. alright

Guess we’re doing this the hard way.

Peeerrrrfecttt…….

In it goes.

Now time for a little mixxy mixxy.

Ah shit. Should’ve used a sieve- Oh well, too late now.

It said not to overmix so- I think thats just about right.

Ah shit wait, forgot to grease the pan. Huh.. what should I grease it with-

…

Hm….

Move over buddy.

I got an idea.

((End Part 2))